The Triumph Stag needs its own adjective

THE OTHER week I mentioned one of my petrolhead pals was threatening to blow five thousand of his carefully earned pounds on a Triumph Stag.

Luckily, he saw sense at the last minute and decided not to; he decided to chuck seven and a half bags of sand at one instead. That’s £7,500 on a 1970s convertible best known – unfairly or not - for its penchant for rotting and munching through head gaskets at the first hint of overheating. To make matters worse, even if you bag a really good one it’ll still struggle – and I’ve seen the fuel bills to prove it – to top 25 to the gallon. 

However, all of this pales into comparision with the really unhinged bit – almost immediately after doing the deal, the mate in question lobbed the keys in my direction and insisted I had a go. I returned half an hour later with an enormous grin on my face – and not even remotely envious! 

The tricky thing with the Stag is that while not being superlative or extraordinary in any one particular field, it covers all the bases with a caddish charm that’s surprisingly hard to pin down in print. It’s so difficult to define what underpins the Stag’s essence that it’s actually easier to associate it with things which have the same delightfully dated and yet somehow cool sense of aspiration. Things which are, in other words, a bit stagulent. 

Roger Moore, for instance, is stagulent, as were his attempts to charm Britt Ekland in The Man With The Golden Gun. Velour jackets and polka dot shirts (especially worn together) are stagulent, as is playing golf. Flying on Concorde was always a bit stagulent, as are Joanna Lumley, Directors Bitter, the whole of Harrogate, and reruns of The Persuaders!. Cars other than the Triumph Stag can be stagulent too; try the Jaguar XJ-S, or today’s BMW 6-Series Convertible and the Jaguar F-type. 

That’s why you’ll either ‘get’ Triumph’s V8-engined, Italian-styled, leatherette-lined cruiser or you won’t. It’s not the fastest, the nimblest, or best-built car you’ll ever drive but the looks, the rumble of the 3.0 litre engine when you shove the automatic gearbox into kickdown and the way it just lollops along effortlessly acts an automotive passport to some parallel world where everything is a bit more stylish, albeit in an irredeemably gaudy sort of way.

In short the Triumph Stag is thirsty, badly-made, not especially fast and looks like it’s escaped from a casino in 1970s Monte Carlo. I love it.

Image courtesy of Classic Car Weekly and Sam Skelton

Fiat beefs up the Panda 4x4

A MORE hardcore version of the UK’s smallest off-roader has just been launched by Fiat.

The Panda Cross is based on the existing four-wheel-drive Panda but adds a stack of gadgets you’d normally only find on much larger off-roaders – including oversized tyres, hill descent control, a sump guard, and a terrain control stability system – to the package.

It's also got a six speed gearbox with a shortened first gear designed with 'crawling' through challenging conditions in mind - admittedly, it's not the low ratio 'box you'll get on a Land Rover Defender, but this will squeeze through many a gap and gulley which the bigger, 'proper' off-roader can't.

Fiat said its sheer versatility has come from more than 30 years of making some of Europe's smallest 4x4s. A spokesman for the company said: "In 2006 SUVs accounted for around seven percent of the total car market in Europe whereas today they account for approximately 20 percent.

"Yet despite the proliferation of models in the past decade the new Fiat Panda Cross remains a truly unique offering, by combining the genuine capabilities of a proper off-road vehicle with the efficiency and practicality of a versatile city car."

Prices start at £15,945 for the TwinAir-engined version, while the 1.3 litre version will set you back £16,945. Both go on sale here towards the end of the year.

The Life On Cars Mini resurfaces - here's why I didn't buy it

SUPPOSE you’re invited out for a drink with an ex you haven’t seen in years. You’re curious – perhaps even slightly sentimental – but you know it ended for a reason. What do you do?

That’s the way I felt the other day when the first car I ever owned turned up, completely unexpectedly, in an online auction. Naturally, it piqued my curiosity, and I’ve almost certainly spent far longer than anyone really ought to keeping track of all the bids a rather ropey, 30-year-old Mini.

It proved, given I’m exactly the sort of car lover who develops an attachment to what everyone considers to be automotive tat, to be a weirdly bittersweet experience. Even though there was no shortage of people egging me on, I couldn’t bring myself to do the motoring equivalent of getting back with your first girlfriend. I resisted the temptation to stick in a bid on the 1984 Mini Mayfair which for several years accompanied the logo of this very blog.

Not that I didn’t look back longingly, of course. If you really, truly love cars then your first outings in your own car are something you’ll reminisce about as fondly as your first kiss or your first pint, and for me those tentative initial trips in that Mini will be forever stacked away as wonderful memories. Being behind the wheel of A860 JKC meant the first time I ever took my own set of wheels to a car show, my inaugural motoring holiday and finally being free of bus stops. It was so much more than just a car.

That’s why seeing it up for sale in almost exactly the same state in which I sold it left me feeling sad. Contrary to previous belief, any plans to restore it to its former glory seemed to have fallen by the wayside – in fact, the 2009 Woodvale Rally plaque I’d fitted was still cable-tied to its chrome grille. The only difference was that four years ago my old Mayfair got driven away; it got sold online as a non-runner.

In the end I resisted the temptation, largely because despite the supersized helping of nostalgia my abiding memory is of it being a car which you could rely on to let you down. I watched as it went under the virtual hammer for £120 more than I sold it for; I can only hope it went to someone who’ll love it as much as I did, and can rescue it using the funds I didn’t have back in 2010.

Despite the bittersweet ending, I realised I’d learned two things from watching my first car being snapped up. For one thing, old Minis really have shot up in price over the last few years – that’s why even ones which really weren’t very good, like mine, get snapped up.

But perhaps more importantly, I remembered it’s better to have loved and lost an old car than never to have loved it at all.

David Cameron has given great street racing events the green light

IMAGINE the sight of a Jaguar D-type doing battle with a Ferrari 250 TR, or perhaps a pair of Caterhams ducking and diving as they fight for the perfect line through a tight corner.

It’s an entertaining enough prospect to make you book a ticket for Brands Hatch or Silverstone, but what about watching some proper, full-throttle action on, say, Ormskirk’s one-way system? Well, thanks to the concerted efforts of some racing buffs and a largely unexpected move by the Prime Minister, it’s not as far-fetched as you might think.

Last Friday, seemingly out of nowhere, David Cameron announced he was going to give local authorities the green light to close off public roads for motorsport events. In other words, the powers-that-be are free to close off your nearest high street, suspend the normal speed limits for an afternoon, and stage races – or time trials or sprints, for that matter – for your entertainment.

Personally, I think it’s a corking idea. Having long been involved with West Lancashire’s efforts to re-enact the street racing glamour of Monaco, the Ormskirk MotorFest, I’ve asked for years why the road closures can’t be used for something a bit more dramatic than parades of old cars and motorbikes. The local authorities liked the idea.

The event organisers seemed up for it. The petrolhead public – who were already sold on the idea of seeing a 1978 Saudia-Williams F1 car tootling past the parish church – were all in favour. Yet, thanks to an obscure clause in a bit of legislation passed more than 25 years ago, shutting off a road and using it for racing was very much against the law.

That’s why a display of sports cars in Ormskirk town centre last Saturday to promote this year’s MotorFest couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. By sheer coincidence, the team behind one of the few shows in the country which actually puts racing cars on real roads were showing off cars to the town’s shoppers, the day after the Prime Minister effectively gave them permission to up the stakes.

Mike Ashcroft, chairman of event organisers Aintree Circuit Club, told me: "The announcement is excellent news, because that aspect of the law has been the single biggest stumbling block for events like the MotorFest, which is now attracting more than 30,000 people into Ormskirk every year.

"The event brings so much money into the town centre, and hopefully this change will give other local councils the confidence to host their own events in other parts of the country. I think there could definitely be an Ormskirk MotorFest with a more competitive element in the future, as long as there the people in place to organise it."

By all means don’t hold your breath; there won’t be any flat-out, fully-fledged racing battles on Ormskirk’s one-way system at this year’s event, but it’s great to know Ormskirk – or a street near you – could play host to some Monaco-esque motorsport magic in years to come. I’m really looking forward to it.

New classic car show planned for Southport

CLASSIC car owners in and around Southport are being urged to get involved with a new charity event being held in the resort next month.

The event, which is being held at the newly-refurbished Kings Gardens near the Promenade, will take place on Saturday, 23 August and raise funds to help treat Merseyside residents with neurological disorders.

It’s free for owners of classic car and motorbikes to show off their prized vehicles, but anyone keen to get involved must request an application form by sending an email to info@lot21.co.uk.

Classic cars give sneak preview of Ormskirk MotorFest

ORMSKIRK'S shoppers were treated to the striking sight of more than a dozen sports cars taking over the town's market yesterday as part of efforts to promote a celebration of motorsport next month.

Aintree Circuit Club brought the cars and motorbikes to the centre of the historic market town not only to promote National Motorsport Week but also to promote this year's Ormskirk MotorFest, which takes place on 24 August and has already attracted more than 300 entrants.

Mike Ashcroft, the club's chairman, said: "Not only have we got hundreds of entrants, but we've also got a substantial car club presence this year, so West Lancashire Borough Council has very kindly allocated us the field to the rear of Coronation Park to give space to these clubs, some of which are bringing between 10 and 15 vehicles each.

"There are a lot of new things happening at this year's event, including changes to the parades from little batches of vehicles to larger parades which go around the town centre more times than in previous years.

The cars on show included a 1992 Ferrari 348, a 1973 Triumph Stag and a 1970 Ford Mustang, which aimed to give shoppers at the town's market a taste of the machines which will be on show at next month's event.

To find out more go to the Ormskirk MotorFest website.

The Life On Cars MGB does MG90

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